Proposal Photos That Will Make You Believe in Love. My story hits a snag, however, when I get into the least plannable and thus most stressful part of the proposal experience: You absolutely have to ask her father for permission before proposing. It's a deeply sexist practice. The legal landscape of marriage has blessedly changed, and no longer does marriage mean that “husband and wife are one, [and] the one is the husband,” as it was under the law of coverture, when women gave up nearly all of their individual rights upon marriage. April also suggests if you do decide to ask pops for her hand, be sure you do it close enough to the big day to minimize the chance of word getting out. What the What? Now, to the second hardest part—the actual proposal. In most Western cultures it's not necessary. Just don’t do it by text message! He wants your respect, but has been socialized to no longer expect it. Lazy-A** Men Can Pay Someone to Plan Their Proposal. Challenging conventional wedding traditions may be low on the list of feminist priorities, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important to take a hard look at the rituals and norms we hold dear, or participate in without much thought. Do you agree on core values and big dreams? © 2021 Ziff Davis Canada, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Well, guess what? Start out expressing your feelings for his daughter. With possibly Greek or Italian, I would ask the parents two or three weeks before proposing. It demonstrates that you’re serious about joining their family and about the marriage itself. You love the idea of sharing a last name. Part of the reason human beings rely on tradition is because it’s a shortcut to traversing complex and important life events in a way that makes everyone comfortable and won’t hurt any feelings. James Bassil. Should I Ask My Girlfriend's Father Before I Propose to Her? You've got it all planned. Her father passed away about three years ago. Asking Her Parents For Permission Before You Propose It’s traditional to ask your true love’s father for permission before you propose, or to ask both parents for their blessing. In the months before they propose to their partners, men across America will be popping a different question – to their future fiancé’s father, asking for his blessing to marry his daughter. What's left to do? Follow her on Twitter. Cosmopolitan participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites. Xper 5 +1 y. This is obviously less egregious than a man talking to his partner’s father before ever seriously discussing marriage plans with her, and then springing a surprise proposal on her (please, every woman reading this, if your boyfriend does this, run away as fast as you can – major life decisions are not best made by surprise, and being forced to utter a split second yes/no to marriage is not romantic; it’s a sign you’re too immature to get married). Alternatively, she might agree with you and agree to marry you while you both work things … If her father has given his blessing or you have determined that his concerns are things you can manage, propose to your lovely future bride. “I was only 24 years old at the time. If distance makes an in-person meeting impossible, try for a Skype call first, and, barring that, a phone call. My dad wants to know his future son-in-law is committed to me, but doesn't necessarily need to be … Follow These Tips. Share Tweet Flip. Her mother, step-dad, or even her uncle should be treated with the same respect. Well, yes, it is kind of old-school, in the same way that opening the car door for her is. As love has become more important to marriage than money and joining families, the traditions have changed too. So you need to maximize it by going 100% cheesy, rose petals and all. Do it in person. As marriage has gotten more egalitarian, it’s also gotten better. This is a nod to history, and a sign of respect for the family you are seeking to join. The most popular arguments in favor of ask-dad-first seem to be tradition and respect. Your over-the-top proposal will also give her something to slap down other women with... AskMen, Become a Better Man, Big Shiny Things, Mantics and guyQ are among the federally registered trademarks of Ziff Davis Canada, Inc. and may not be used by third parties without explicit permission. What are the man’s most important values? Asking for permission only to … Here are … ... have no bearing on whether or not he will propose, he points out. I seek your collective wisdom regarding proper etiquette here, and any experience you might have had on this. It’s respectful: visiting her father before the proposal shows that you care about both your fiancee’s wishes (assuming she would want you to ask for his blessing) and her father’s wishes, too. Asking her father for her hand is an old fashioned, but quaint way of doing things. If her father is no longer alive, or if his whereabouts are unknown, don’t assume that you can ignore this tradition altogether. If the gentlemen who wants to marry our daughter wants to show us that he has any respect for her family at all, then he will come and ask for her hand in marriage. 0. Are you still supposed to ask a girls father before you propose to her? We are very traditional family in most things. June 4, 2013 . It depends. Still, there are other ways to honor the rituals of marriage and the joining-together of two people, and two families, than asking dad’s permission. She’ll love the gesture and will be flattered by your manners. Which is why those of us in feminist relationships should reject that norm – or at least understand that by partaking in it, we’re reinforcing a deeply sexist practice. According to a 2015 survey from TheKnot.com of what appear to be overwhelmingly heterosexual couples, more than three-quarters of men ask for permission from their … If at all possible, make this a face-to-face meeting. By: Sharp Staff | January 9, 2018 Tagged With: Marriage , Q&A100 , Relationships Are Overrated Anyway Talk to the parents .. then propose directly after that. If at all possible, make this a face-to-face meeting. April also suggests if you do decide to ask pops for her hand, be sure you do it close enough to the big day to minimize the chance of word getting out. Is that something that would make her and her father's life more wonderful? Do it in person. Buy It, Prince Harry Speaks Out About the Capitol Riot, 10 Cute Spring 2021 Bag Trends. “I was only 24 years old at the time. You Want to Talk With Your Significant Other First. Asking your girlfriend’s parents for … Talking to Your Girlfriend’s Parents Plan what you're going to say. If her parents are still married, and you happen to call at a time when only one is available, simply say that you have something you want to ask them, but would like to wait until you can ask them both together, and when would be a good time to do so. You will not have a single better opportunity to stock her up on positive memories than at the moment of your proposal. Most Helpful Girls. We may earn commission from links on this page, but we only recommend products we love. ... how and when should you approach your partners parent(s), and who should you ask? In other words, more men talk to their girlfriend’s father about a plan to marry than talk about marriage, in serious and relatively immediate terms, to the woman they actually want to marry. In those bad old days, a married woman (or married girl, as the case often was) couldn’t own property or refuse sex, or have any separate legal existence from her husband; women were barred from voting in part because the husband was a wife’s legal representative. Ms. Cox (nee Knowles) says that while asking for her father’s permission was a formality, she wanted Mr. Cox to do so. Feminists have to hold these two ideas simultaneously: That all of us partake in sexist cultural norms to some degree or another, and also that it’s imperative for feminists to unflinchingly critique sexist cultural norms. Promise. According to a 2015 survey from TheKnot.com of what appear to be overwhelmingly heterosexual couples, more than three-quarters of men ask for permission from their partner’s father or parents before they propose. If your relationship is a pairing of equals, and you want your marriage to be about two equal partners, why not treat the deciding-to-get-married process the same way? 1; 2; Page 2 of 2. Phantasm01. “Asking her father for her hand in marriage before you ask her, may seem cheesy, but it also may endear you to her folks (priceless) and not doing so may disappoint,” she said in an interview. It’s the final days of August, which means summer wedding season is finally winding down, and we’ll have a few months of respite before the holiday engagement season – and the attendant ring-on-hand selfies that flood your Facebook feed -- kicks in. It’s respectful: visiting her father before the proposal shows that you care about both your fiancee’s wishes (assuming she would want you to ask for his blessing) and her father’s wishes, too. Does he … Should I Ask My Girlfriend's Father Before I Propose to Her? V-Day Books to Read Before/After/Instead of a Date, Thinking About the SoulCycle At-Home Bike? (See also the ubiquity of “Future Mrs. Whatever” marital paraphernalia that adorns bachelorette parties and wedding-day getting-ready robes to “you may kiss the bride.”). (Remember Purses? You know that you know that you know that you know… It’s healthy to question, to be concerned, and to be nervous. Bucking tradition is never easy. Of course, a lot of heterosexual couples do a kind of hybrid between tradition and modernity – they have a series of conversations about marriage and make the mutual decision to wed, and then the future groom has a conversation with his future wife’s father. 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